Thursday, September 18, 2014

Caramel Apple Sugar Babies: The Most Confusing Candy on Earth


Caramel Apple Sugar Babies have a lot going on. At first glance, the box appears to be advertizing radioactive mouse turds. Or possibly poorly-illustrated olives.


Upon spilling out the candies for more thorough examination, they move from being radioactive mouse turds to being radioactive lima beans. This is only slightly less unnerving, because, yaknow, it's candy lima beans.


The first taste, however, removes all implications of toxic waste. At the beginning, these suckers are sour as all heck. Once you recover from the sour shock and continue to work your way through the chewy candy coating, a wave of buttery smooth caramel washes over your taste buds. It's about this time that you begin to realize this is a supremely awesome candy. And then you eat another one and experience the slap-in-the-face sour apple and soothing sweetness of the caramel all over again. And then again. And then again.


These became quite difficult to photograph, because each time I pressed the shutter, I popped another one (or two or five) into my mouth. My roommate tried to steal them from me. I threatened to flatten him with my hair straightener.

Sugar Baby thieves successfully thwarted, I took the rest of the box inside, snuggled up in a blanket, and watched cartoons.

Now, I will give you this heads-up: DO NOT eat these before a dentist appointment. They will stick to your teeth and your dentist will have to pry them off and they will undoubtedly be flung all over the room and will adhere themselves stealthily to the ceiling to one day drop on the face of an unsuspecting patient. Don't be the guy whose candy winds up in somebody else's nose. Achieve your sugar high responsibly.

4 comments:

  1. Will not be eating these ever ever - the color scares the piss out of me.

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    1. Right???? That green is not found in nature EVER.

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  2. Replies
    1. I know! But they're so much tastier than lima beans...

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