Monday, June 9, 2014

M&M Infestation

Lately my roommate has gotten super gung-ho on this whole living-with-a-blogger thing. Last week he brought home a bag of Gimbal's Sour Lovers, two packages of Chips Ahoy cookies with Oreo Creme filling, and about four million packages of M&Ms. All of these gifts were completely selfless, intended only to grow my blog. None of them had anything to do with my roommate wanting to eat two packages of cookies about four million M&Ms. Nope. None of them.

In case you're curious, the Chips A-whore-eos taste like Chips Ahoys. With Oreo filling. This is not nearly as spectacular as it sounds, I promise.


The Gimbal's Sour Lovers candies are also not spectacular. They were squishy and came in odd flavors like Fuji Apple and Baja Margarita and Mango.


The M&Ms, though, went on for daaaaaays. So many M&Ms. Just look at them all:


I'm really not an M&M person, especially after experiencing the horror that was Candy Corn M&Ms *shudder* but I plugged through at least one or two M&Ms from each bag so that I could provide you lovely people with knowledge on all the coolest new M&M varieties.

First, there were the Peanut M&Ms, which are always a classic.


Then there were the Peanut Butter M&Ms, which completely baffled me because we already have Peanut M&Ms and Reeses Pieces and trail mix that comes with peanuts and M&Ms, so really, why do we need Peanut Butter M&Ms? I'll tell you why: WE DON'T.


These tasted like creamy Peanut M&Ms, which completely kills the whole point of a Peanut M&M, because everybody knows the best part about Peanut M&Ms is the GIANT CRUNCHY PEANUT (and trying to line the thing up in your teeth before you bite down so it doesn't end up ricocheting all over your tonsils). The point of Peanut M&Ms is NOT supposed to be creaminess, so WHY do we have Peanut Butter M&Ms? Why, M&M? WHY?


(I promise I am not abnormally attached to M&M texture. Please don't make me hug myself in that white outfit again.)

Up next in our M&M taste testing experience, we have Birthday Cake M&Ms.


The only way to describe these is to say that they taste like candy coated toxic sludge. Like, seriously. I don't know what kind of birthday cakes the people at the M&M factory had as children, but clearly they were horribly deprived and are now scarred for life. This is the only explanation for their willingness to unleash such crappy candy to the general public.


And hey, since we're talking about M&Ms, did you know M&Ms now come in sizes? Check it out:

There are the minis....


....and the normals....


....and the super-mega-huge gigantics.


Sure, we all know the Mini M&Ms are adorable, but do we really need Mega M&Ms? Are we trying to make the other M&Ms insecure about their size? Furthermore, is the world adequately prepared for such mammoth candy?


The good news is, these suckers are so hefty you can easily knock out annoying people at the movies with one well-aimed toss at the back of their head. Seriously, these things are HUGE.


If your kitchen has recently become infested with copious amounts of M&Ms and you have chosen not to weaponize them (kudos to you for your level-headed decision making skills), come back on Thursday when I teach you how to make peanut butter M&M cookies. That is, peanut butter cookies with M&Ms in them. Not cookies with peanut butter M&Ms in them. You all know how I feel about Peanut Butter M&Ms. (WHY M&M? WHY?)

P.S. If you want to hear about more crappy candy check out this post.

5 comments:

  1. Chips ahoy with oreo filling sounds like... Way too much candy on halloween.

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    Replies
    1. Right? It wouldn't have been quite so bad, but it had that weird chemical taste that kind of ruined the Oreo deliciousness.

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  2. MEGA M&Ms??? Also I have a serious weakness for pretzel m&ms mixed with PB M&Ms

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Mega M&Ms! They're huge! And flat, kind of like gigantic buttons. I'll have to try the PB M&Ms with some pretzel ones; that sounds pretty good!

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  3. Is that the palm of your hand?

    ReplyDelete