A while back I was in Target and they had trail mix on sale so I picked up a bag and thought, "hey, this'll be great for a snarky exposé on how Target lies about putting 'everything' in an 11oz bag of trail mix."
Then I got it home and sorted it out (because that's the way you're supposed to eat trail mix) and decided to scrap the whole 'everything' thing and do a snarky exposé on how Target lies about having a 'handful' of everything in the bag.
Great idea, right?
You see, there was a handful of almonds...
...and a handful of mangoes...
...and a handful of pineapple...
...and a handful of chocolate chips...
...and a giant handful of banana chips...
...and they even threw in some yogurt covered rabbit poop for good measure.
There was not a handful of apricots.
Nope, there was just one sad, lonely apricot and I was all outraged that the silhouette rooster from Archer Farms didn't have the decency to send the apricot on its long journey with a handful of its friends. The inhumanity! The horror! I was about to call Apricot Protection Services and watch them haul all of Target's asses to jail.
That was, until I took a closer look at the bag and discovered the true Target lie wasn't about misusing the word 'everything' or about having irregularly-sized handfuls, but about an undercover fruit smuggling ring.
The bag doesn't say anything about apricots.
I more thoroughly examined the rest of the trail mix and decided there were more stowaways in my snack.
Not all of those raisins are raisins. Some of them are craisins.
Clearly, there's something sneaky going on in the dark halls of the Target headquarters. There's something about the fruit they don't want us to know. Please, next time you're at Target, keep your eyes peeled for dried fruits who may be held captive against their will! Be sure to check all the bags of trail mix and fruit snacks so you can help free innocent fruit!
LONG LIVE THE APRICOT!