The other day I was in Walmart, minding my own business, casually strolling from the cheese to the breakfast cereal when out of nowhere confetti starting falling from the ceiling and invisible imps started playing kazoos and I was reeled toward the cardboard stand in the middle of the aisle screaming "ICE CREAM COOKIES!"
Clearly, my inner fat kid could not pass up the opportunity to test this amazing cookie phenomenon and I carefully selected a package of Root Beer Float cookies and placed them in my cart where they proceeded to stare at me enticingly the entire time I was at the store.
When I finally got home and took the time to photograph these for you (because that's how devoted I am--you should feel honored) I tore into the package like a Christmas present and greedily took my first bite.
It didn't taste like a root beer float.
First of all, the picture on the package kind of led me to believe there was a creamy center to these cookies. There isn't. I really shouldn't have expected this as the package doesn't actually describe the cookie, it just says "Soft Cookies, Naturally and Artificially Flavored." It doesn't say "root beer cookies with a creamy vanilla center and white chocolate chips." Perhaps my inner fat kid should learn to read things before eating them.
So after I got over the initial letdown, I ate another one, slower, and analyzed it. This was thinner than a usual Chips Ahoy cookie, but was quite soft and chewy (probably because those two words are on the package), and it didn't have that repulsive chemical aftertaste regular Chips Ahoy cookies have developed. All in all, that doesn't make for a terrible cookie experience, but it still doesn't taste like a root beer float.
Really, it tastes like sucking on a cheap root beer barrel for a second and then eating the world's chewiest graham cracker. In retrospect it occurs to me that the kazoo-playing imps were probably just a marketing ploy.
If you run into these in your grocery store, try one of the other flavors and let me know what you think. My prediction is that the Mocha Chunk ones will be the best (because, really, if you like coffee, you can't go wrong with coffee and chocolate), the Mint Chocolate Chip ones will be too chocolatey but otherwise okay, and the Dulce de Leche ones will be sickeningly sweet. Go eat these and tell me if I'm right!
(Also, could someone please tell me the difference between dulce de leche and caramel sauce? I'm pretty sure the only real difference is in price.)