This Labor Day celebrate unemployment and take these tips on how NOT to get a job in the food service industry. Already in the food service industry? Act fast and you may be able to take this advice and quickly get yourself out.
1. Don't learn to cook.
If it's too late for that and you already know the difference between a whisk and a spatula, drop something very heavy on your head and hope you forget it.
2. Drop things.
Speaking of dropping things on your head, do that. While you're at it, go ahead and drop things on your feet and other people's feet and whatever other body parts you can find. No restaurant wants a klutz spilling soup down a patron's front, so clumsiness will take you a long way toward your goal of dining on government cheese.
3. Be gross.
Sneeze on your interviewer, "forget" to take a shower, put lots of gunk underneath your fingernails, and make sure you scratch lots of dandruff out of your hair while thinking up answers to questions.
4. Forget things.
"Did you want fries with that? No? Okay, that'll be $14.95. Did you want fries with that? No? What did you want again?"
5. Be stupid.
You may have to go back to step one and drop something on your head again, but being stupid will take you a long way in being out of a quality job in edibles. Forget to put the milk back in the fridge. Forget to set the timer when you make a soft boiled egg. Forget you already added salt and add it again. Salt is the spice of life, right? Right? If you said no, go find a heavier object.
Do you work in food? Do you wish you didn't? Leave your tips and tricks for surviving and getting canned in the comments below!