Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Chips and Buttermilk and Why I Will Be Homeless

My roommate thinks I'm crazy. And yeah, okay, maybe sometimes that's a little bit true. Maybe. Sometimes. A little. But I am not nearly as crazy as he thinks I am. In fact, I think he's crazy because he doesn't completely love one of my favorite foods.

Now, you guys now I love sour cream. And what's better than sour cream? Well....cheese. But no, that's not what we're talking about today. We're talking about sour cream and onion potato chips.


And what makes sour cream and onion potato chips even more delicious?

Buttermilk.


No, really! Stay with me here!

This is the food of the gods.

It is creamy, salty, tangy, oniony perfection in a little green bowl.


I don't understand why this is not yet considered an international delicacy.

You can dip them one-by-one and savor the unique combination of flavors....


....or you can dump a whole pile in there and turn it into a makeshift breakfast cereal. (Note: I did not eat this for breakfast. Not at all. I would never do that. Uh-uh. Not me.)


Every time I do this my roommate gags and tries to leave the room. I usually follow him, waving my bowl around, trying to get him to taste it. Because I'm thoughtful like that. So far I haven't been successful, but I am convinced that one day I will make this delightful snack worldwide wonder. And then even my roommate will see this as the glorious snack it is. Yaknow.....if he doesn't throw me out first.


P.S. This is super healthy and low-fat, so clearly, it's the best food ever.

Friday, August 15, 2014

I Ate All the Skittles

All I wanted yesterday was doughnuts and a nap, so when I got home, I sent my roommate out for doughnuts and then I took a nap. That would have been the end of that, but while I was trying to decide what kind of doughnuts I wanted, I remembered the gas station also sold Skittles so I asked my roommate to please go buy me all the doughnuts and all the Skittles. Today we're going to be eating all the Skittles together, mostly because the doughnuts are all gone. (I'm not PMSing, I swear.)

Now, apparently the good ol' Skittles in the red bag aren't cool enough anymore, so we have three new kinds to try: Tropical Skittles, Sour Skittles, and Wild Berry Skittles.

Pile of Original Skittles, Sour Skittles, Tropical Skittles, and Wild Berry Skittles.

Let's start with a brief rant about green Skittles, shall we? First of all, the Original bag of Skittles used to come with five flavors: lemon, orange, strawberry, grape, and lime. It still comes with five flavors, but now they're lemon, orange, strawberry, grape, and green apple. Who the heck approved this decision? I was certainly not consulted in this matter. Lime Skittles were my favorite. Because they were the best. So what does Skittles do? They go and replace the delicious Lime Skittle with some cheapass crappy "sour apple" Skittle. WTF, Skittles? Like, seriously? AND, as if sour apple Skittles weren't bad enough, they make these newfangled Wild Berry Skittles and make the green one "melon berry" flavored. What the hell is a melon berry? Is it a melon? Is it a berry? No one knows! What I do know is that it's disgusting. Pure, utter, undeniable repulsion in a green candy coating. Why, Skittles? Why?

Now that I have that off my chest, let's talk about the flavors.

Bag of Original Skittles

After I ate some of the regular Skittles (and discovered the green one was an imposter), I dove into the Wild Berry Skittles.

Bag of Wild Berry Skittles

The Wild Berry Skittles come in five flavors: raspberry, strawberry, wild cherry, berry punch and the evil ever-dreaded melon berry. This bag is a little weird, and I feel like each flavor requires its own kind of mental preparation before you pop it in your mouth, which severely lessens the snackability of this particular Skittles collection. For example, the wild cherry one tastes like medicine. Straight up, not kidding, 100% cherry cold medicine. Minus the menthol. Then you flip over to a strawberry Skittle, and that just tastes like a normal Skittle, but it's in the very berry bag of Skittles, so its strawberryness is seemingly heightened and you have to ask yourself if this is merely an illusion designed by marketing geniuses or if the thing actually tastes more strawberry-y than a regular strawberry Skittle. (These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night.) After those two, you get to a raspberry Skittle which is so faintly flavored you're not entirely sure if this is a new Skittle at all or just the remnants of the last six Skittles stuck in your teeth. And then, after all that, you get to the melon berry. And you spit it out. Because it is disgusting. And nobody knows what a melon berry is, and that's mildly concerning.

Tropical Skittles spilling out of bag.

Next up in the taste test was the bag of Tropical Skittles. They come in Banana Berry (which should really be in the berry collection, don't you think?), Kiwi Lime (because apparently Mr. Skittle has a problem with regular lime), Mango Tangelo (my new stripper name), strawberry starfruit (what is a starfruit????), and Pineapple Passionfruit (which, by the way, is inexplicably blue). I started off with a Pineapple Passionfruit, because it was blue and pretty and Pineapple Passionfruit is fun to say. Go on, try it. It's the most enjoyment you'll ever get from a Pineapple Passionfruit Skittle. That is because Pineapple Passionfruit Skittles are terrible. I'm not sure exactly what they taste like (pineapple and/or passionfruit, presumably), but whatever it is, it is not tasty. After I chugged an entire glass of water and attempted to regain my composure, I tried a Banana Berry Skittle, because I was assuming it would be sweet and mellow like a banana flavored Runt or perhaps a banana popsicle. It wasn't. It tasted like licking a school bus that was just was pulled out of a sinkhole filled with toxic waste. After those two delightful experiences, I didn't bother with the Mango Tangelo or Kiwi Lime or Strawberry Starfruit, because, really, after all that, we're just lucky I didn't try to scrape off all my tastebuds.

Bag of Sour Skittles

Finally, we have the Sour Skittles. These come in all the same flavors as the Original Skittles (minus my beloved lime), but they're coated in a thick, sticky layer of acidic crystals. Honestly, I think they were probably my favorite of all four bags. And, as much as I hate to admit it, the sour green apple ones were good. Really good. Freaking delicious, in fact. I wish that was the only flavor in the bag because I would absolutely positively definitely buy them all the time. All the other flavors in the bag were pretty okay (except for maybe the sour grape, because that had bad juju written all over it from the beginning), but the sour green apple ones....dude, that's what I'm talking about.

Closeup of Sour Skittles

What are your thoughts on all these wacky Skittles? Did you know about the banishment of lime? And, is your stripper name as awesome as mine? I doubt it....

Monday, August 11, 2014

One Year Blogiversary!

Happy Blogiversary, guys! We're one!


Now, because I'm all nerdy and want to brag a little, here are some stats from the last year of blogging:

Number of Posts: 95

Number of Page Views: 3,235

Number of Brand Wars: 7
(Coke vs. Pepsi, Cheez-Its vs. Cheese Nips, Twizzlers vs. Red Vines, Blizzard vs. McFlurry, Sprite vs. Sierra Mist, Nutella, and Ketchup)

Number of Recipes: 26-ish

Number of Videos: One. This one.

Number of Times Written "Oreo": infinity

Most Popular Post: How to Make a Spongebob Oreo Birthday Cake in 19 Easy Steps

Least Popular Post: The Great Apple Crisp Bake Off

Personal Favorite Post: Starburst Minis, Bad Eggs, and a Love Story

Favorite Recipe: Triple Cheese Baked Ziti


Thank you so much for hanging out with me here and listening to me blabber on about Oreos and girly alcohol for the past year. You're the best!


What do you want to see next year?

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Almost Edible Earring Collection

Last Christmas I mentioned that food-shaped earrings make great gifts for people. And by people, I mean me. Call me crazy, but I just can't get enough of dangling fake food off my earlobes...


Okay, so these ones aren't exactly food, but they're some of my favorites. I bought these before I got my ears pierced and then had to wait three long months before I could wear them. Worth it!



These strawberry waffle earrings were made by Heather from Sweet & Savory Trinkets--my favorite food earring shop of all time. I don't think these waffles are still available, but if you ever see them, snatch them up!



Tacos! These ones were a Christmas gift, so I don't know where you can get them. If they're yours, please let me know! They just might be my favorite...



I can't say these earrings look a lot like my homemade peppermint bark, but they're so adorable, I just don't care. They were also from Heather.



Speaking of Heather and how awesome she is, she also made these pears.



And these gingerbread men.



These submarine sandwiches are fantastically detailed. They're a little heavier than the others so I don't wear them as often, but I love them! I think the creator has moved away from the mini food recently, but she still has some adorable coffee earrings.



Last but not least, these cans of Heineken were a 21st birthday gift from my sister. I don't like beer, but these are just awesome.

If you're looking for your own food earrings, a couple of my favorite Etsy sellers are Jody from Art Wonders (s'mores, anyone?) and Shay Aaron whose cupcakes are currently making me drool.

What are your favorite earrings?

Monday, August 4, 2014

Brand Wars: Nutella vs. Jif vs. Hershey

I generally avoid super-popular trendy things at all costs. Which is why I haven't read The Hunger Games. And why I didn't see Frozen until February. And also why I didn't jump on the whole belts-go-with-everything bandwagon a few years ago. I figure if everybody likes something, it's probably terrible. That just goes to show you how much faith I have in humanity.


Now, I know you're all going to hate me for this, but I figured since everybody was all about Nutella-this and Nutella-that, Nutella must suck. So, instead of going out and eating some Nutella and having a foodgasm like any normal person, I spent entirely too much money on jars of fake Nutella so I could prove to the universe that Nutella wasn't really that awesome.


I was wrong.

I apologize.

Nutella is freaking awesome.

I came to this conclusion by pitting it against its competitors: Jif Chocolate Flavored Hazelnut Spread and Hershey's Chocolate With Hazelnut Spread.


Each competitor went through four rounds: first impressions, on the spoon, on a strawberry, and on a slice of baguette (because I was feeling all fancy-like and sent my roommate out to buy a baguette).


The first impressions round goes to Jif. Which is good, because none of the other rounds do. The Jif jar is the cutest and easiest to open (damn you, stubborn freshness seals!) and has a spiffy flower-like pattern in the top.


Nutella kind of looks like an oil spill.


The second round was straight off a spoon. Nutella won this, hands down. Jif and Hershey were both very, very thick, which made eating them straight a little icky. The Hershey Spread was underly-nutty and the Jif spread was overly-nutty, so Nutella struck a nice balance of sweet chocolateyness and smooth nuttiness. Nutella also had the most mellow aftertaste, which is to say, I wasn't making the Tim-Allen-just-drank-soy-milk face for five minutes like I was with the other two.


Next up, we have the strawberry test. Gotta tell you, I thought Nutella on a strawberry was pretty nasty. Don't know why. Maybe my strawberry was defective, but I found the full-on chocolate flavor in the Hershey's Spread best suited for strawberry eating. Jif's nuttiness was also a little weird with the strawberry, so score one for Hershey.


Finally, we have the baguette test.


Not sure which I loved more, the bread or the chocolate on top. No, that's a lie. I totally loved the bread more. But the chocolate was good too.

I don't know how I managed to live life without Nutella (and baguettes) for so long, but now that I've found them, I can assure you I will no longer be wearing non-elastic pants.


Tell me, what's your favorite way to eat Nutella? Are there any other wondrous foods I'm missing out on?

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Oatmeal Scotties

My roommate's friend has the balls to question the earth-shattering awesomeness of my oatmeal raisin cookies. This friend has requested (the nerve) a batch of Oatmeal Scotties for comparison.


Now, I'm half tempted to poison them, just because I can, but I'll be damned if I can't make the best freaking batch of Oatmeal Scotties to ever exist.

And where do you go when you're looking for the best ever Oatmeal Scotties recipe? Nestle. Duh.


Before I go telling you these things are phenomenally awesome, they're not. They're okay. They're really, really, really, really sugary. Like, really sugary. But if sugar coated sugar is your thing, maybe you'll like these.


At any rate, I'm fairly confident my good old oatmeal raisin cookies are going to thwart the opposition yet again, but just in case they don't, here's the recipe.

Ingredients:
1 1/4 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups quick oats
1 1/2 cups traditional oats
11oz Nestle Butterscotch Morsels

Instructions:

1. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon.

2. In a separate bowl, beat together butter and sugars.

3. Add eggs and vanilla to butter mixture.

4. Mix flour mixture into butter mixture.

5. Stir oats and butterscotch chips into dough.

6. Scoop dough out in tablespoonfuls. Bake at 375 for 10 minutes.

Makes, like, 50 absurdly sweet cookies.


P.S. Yes, I pronounce it "scotties" instead of "scotchies." Deal with it.

Monday, July 28, 2014

What I Ate: First Day of School Edition

Guys, today was my first day of school. Ever.


This week I'm taking a four-day Student Development seminar, which ordinarily would have been a mandatory one-credit sixteen-week course but is now a four-day week of educational craziness.

I now know what the Cornell Method is, if anyone was wondering.

Since I didn't have a lot of time for cookie baking this weekend, what with cram-reading the whole textbook and all, today I'm going to show you what I ate.

For breakfast I had a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Because, yaknow, cinnamon. And sugar. And crunch.


For lunch I ate most of a fake turkey sandwich and some Garden Salsa Sun Chips, which, if you have not yet experienced, needs to become your number one priority. The Sun Chips. Not the fake turkey. The fake turkey sucks. The Sun Chips are delicious.


My roommate bought me pizza for dinner, mostly because he just really wanted pizza, but who am I to say no to cheese-drenched carbs? Nobody, that's who. Besides. I hear college kids are supposed to eat a lot of pizza, and I'm just trying to fit in.


Right now I am sipping on a celebratory root beer float because on my first day of school I did not get an embarrassing nickname (unlike Willi-with-an-I), nobody tried to give me a wedgie, and I did not hide under the stairs and have a panic attack, which, as far as I'm concerned, means today was a successful first day of school.


Wish me luck tomorrow!